Broken to Blessed: A Woman's Transformation Through Faith

In 2020, misdiagnosed with anxiety and depression, I spiraled into the worst hole I’ve ever been in. I was starving myself and overexercising so I would make myself feel smaller. Weekends were a blur of binge eating and substance abuse. Cocaine, MDMA, weed, ecstasy, Adderall, Xanax—nothing filled the void. It was then that I contemplated ending it all.

No one around me knew the invisible battle I was going through. Surrounded by family in my house... everyday...and no one knew. In my head, no one cared. In fact, they could care less. Convinced of my worthlessness, I felt utterly alone, believing nobody cared or even noticed.

"I do not want to be here."

"What do you mean Lauren?" My dad and I were having lunch in Tampa, at Ciccio Cali.

"I literally do not want to be here anymore, on this planet."

"Lauren, I want you to start seeing somebody." My dad looked me in the eyes with a worry I had never seen before. The following week, I had my first session with a psychologist.

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At age 23, I received a diagnosis.

1. Bipolar Disorder Type 2

2. Borderline Personality Disorder

3. ADHD

4. Eating Disorder

5. PTSD

6. Substance Use Disorder
   

Not to give a laundry list of everything wrong with me but there you have it. The worst thing that came out of it was the pills. A handful various medications every night, for the past 4 years.

I wish I could tell you the pills fixed all my problems and made everything better...but it didn't.

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In 2022, I moved from Florida to Chicago with my partner at the time. The excitement quickly faded when the loneliness kicked in. The weather was cold and gloomy, I had no friends and no family. I took a job at a school that broke me. As a Kindergarten teacher, my dream was to shape the lives of our future generations to find a love for learning. What I got instead was a diagnosis of work-related PTSD and depression.

I arrived home every day to the silence of my house and the screaming in my head.

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In 2024, I wanted to leave this world for the second time.

One thing about mental illness is that it never goes away.

I felt like I was no longer in control of my life, my mental illness was. I was carrying this luggage of pain, stress, trauma, anguish, depression and loneliness.

My mind began and I could not seem to care about anything anymore. Including myself.

I was literally alone. No family and no friends in this gloomy, cold city. I had to worst day at work and cried my entire drive home. I did not want to live anymore, all of my baggage was too much to carry, and I was drowning. I was fed up with myself. My mind. MY LIFE. I had no one else and nothing else that could help me. As a last resort,

I begged God.

I begged Him to take my pain, my trauma, all my anguish and stress. I cried out for him to take it all. I begged him to take it all. I surrender my life. No more drinking, no more drugs. I would do whatever it takes, and I would follow him.

All of a sudden, the spinning in my head stopped. I felt a calmness rush through my body and a heavy weight lifted. I felt different. I felt lighter. I wanted to tell everyone about how new I felt. I wish I had more words to describe it but that's all I can say. I felt free. I was saved. God literally laid his hands on me and gave me purpose.

Instead of planning to end my life for a second time, I turned to someone who brought me back to life

God.

My new diagnosis:

Saved.

Romans 10:13

“For ‘everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.'”